Child-led weaning, by it’s very definition describes a mother/child dyad who discontinue the breastfeeding relationship when and how they feel most comfortable to do so. These days it is an extremely rare event and while many mothers and babies love their breastfeeding pairing, they don’t realise that the benefits to both continue long after solid foods are introduced around the middle of the first year. For some, it is also a worry about be “found out” and having to listen to the opinions of others.
Sometimes, when our babies are still quite small we envision child-led weaning will mean that our 4 year olds are going to be dragging us to the bench in the mall for a quick “nurse.” Generally speaking, and of course I am speaking in HUGE generalizations here because each family is unique, children over the age of about 18 months-2 years understand that there need to be limits on when they can have time with mommy to sit down and breastfeed.
Some mothers love the idea of continuing to meet their child’s needs by breastfeeding past infancy yet worry about the stigma associated with it. One of the best parts of the evolution of this relationship with your child is their growing maturity and comprehension about what is and is not acceptable with regard to people outside of your immediate family or friends.
You may find it most helpful to come up with a “code word” that your child can use to let you know that they feel they need your private and undivided attention. My youngest signed a grossly modified version of the ASL sign for milk. People around us thought he was waving good-bye and I knew that he felt he needed some time with me to re-group. He was also the kind of child who was happiest in smaller groups of people and so when we took him into situations where there was more of a crowd than he was comfortable with, he was able to ground himself by having a quick nurse in the sling.
By 15 months my eldest figured out that he could “nurse” with mommy when she was there and not when she wasn’t. Daddy could soothe him in the sling and snuggle him for naps but if mommy was at work he never once asked to breastfeed. It was certainly my fear that my poor partner wouldn’t have a way to comfort our baby while I was at work but the fear was absolutely one sided.
Continuing to breastfeed when you return to paid work often smoothes the transition for mommy AND for baby. Time set aside where you have to focus on your child and sit with him/her before you leave in the morning and upon returning in the evening becomes something that the two of you both look forward to. Not to mention the breastmilk will continue to be robust with antibodies to whatever illnesses your child may pick up in the group setting of a childcare environment. This will mean she or he feels well more often than not and you will miss less time from work once you return.
One of the most important things to remember, physiologically, is that you always, regardless of age, want your baby/child to latch properly. This is probably the most common call I get about extended breastfeeding. Moms call me to talk about their babies who are 1-2 years old who are hurting their nipples/areolas/breasts more than they had when they were infants. Remember to keep the baby in tight, head tipped back, no nose on the breast, and that the nipple should be level with or just above the top lip. This is especially important as your child teethes because the rubbing of the breast tissue over the tender gums can feel soothing to baby, not to mommy.
A quick and easy tool/trick to use when you have a teething child/toddler is to take a normal (not baby) face cloth and fold it in four. Now dip the common corner (essentially the middle of the cloth when it is unfolded) into cold water and wring it out well. Leave the majority of the cloth dry and put it all in the freezer. Once frozen it makes a GREAT teether that has warm/dry parts that are easier for your baby to hang onto. Babies often dislike traditional teethers for two reasons. One, they are too cold to hang onto and two, because they are smooth (even the plastic ones with nubs are too smooth) so they aren't able to stimulate the gums the way they want to.
At the end of the day, children who are weaning according to their own schedule are allowed to be told “no.” You are allowed to set boundaries and that doesn’t mean that you are not meeting the basic needs of your nursing toddler. It means that you are modelling respect for yourself by taking time to put your needs first when necessary and explaining to your child why this has to happen. Don’t go “cold turkey” on them. Explain the situation and ask them to help you set a time in the near future when it would be more appropriate for you to sit down with them and reconnect through breastfeeding.
Some of you may find the decision to continue breastfeeding your toddler and child makes itself when you learn about some of the risks to moms and babies when we wean too early.
Risks to baby when mom does not breastfeed beyond six months include:
• Increased risk of developing Chron’s Disese, Ulcerative Colitis, insulin-dependent Diabetes, Heart Disease, and obesity
• Increased severity of childhood illnesses including colds, influenza and more
• Increased risk of severe allergies to foods and the environment
Risks to mom when breastfeeding does not continue past the first six months:
• Increased risk of degenerative bone disease in the form of Osteoporosis
• Increased risk of female hormone-based cancers, i.e: breast cancer
• Increased risk of developing insulin-dependent Diabetes
Some additional resources:
BOOKS
Mothering Your Nursing Toddler. Norma Jane Baumgarner, 2002.
How Weaning Happens. Diane Bengson, 1999.
Adventures In Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond. Peggy O’Mara, 2003.
WEBSITES
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html
http://www.myntoddler.com/
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJanFeb04p4.html
**The picture at the top of this post is of my two children who led their own weaning process.**
Posted by Sam
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3 comments:
Thank you for this, it's eased some of "no" guilt, as we'r gently trying to impose some boundaries on nursing time. My son is 23 months old, and while we'd love him to choose his own weaning time - I'm feeling more and more I need some mommmy space!
My nearly 6 month old began his introduction to solids by "swiping" a bit of his brother's sandwich. I say, it doesn't get more baby led than that!
This is a great post Sam. I love that you say that it's okay to say "no" and still practice child-led weaning. It's not an all-or-nothing situation where moms have to feel at the plight of their nursling. But from personal experience I can say that telling a child "no" and then being on the receiving end of the tantrum can lead to less saying no and more giving in. But even in this scenario my first child and I weaned at age 3.
@Melodie:
Thanks! It is important to be true to yourself but it is also very hard! We intuitively believe that the needs of our babies come first. It's hard to do what WE need sometimes in light of that.
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