Today the Ottawa Citizen followed Saturday’s article about WHY so many mothers are giving birth by caesarean section by spending time outlining some of the ways in which a surgical birth might affect mother-infant bonding.
Overall I thought Kirkey's "C-Sections And Motherhood" did a good job of highlighting points that I don’t think many, who haven’t physically gone through the process themselves, would even consider. I did feel as though there was one component missing (or was barely touched upon) and perhaps it is being considered for the final article in the three part series. In case it is not, I want to give a little bit more about my thoughts here.
I worry that one part of the reasoning behind some of the emotions new moms feel comes back to “mother guilt.” If a woman REALLY wanted to birth vaginally (wanted to feel empowered by the process, wanted to avoid major surgery, want to feel the emotions of going through that physical process) and then requires a caesarean section, there can be a considerable amount of guilt about not having been able to do it. Then we, as a society, add the further guilt on her shoulders by saying things like “at least you have a happy, healthy baby” or “it’s no big deal. Women give birth this way all of the time.” The mothers who are already feeling guilty for not having been able to birth their baby the way they wanted and believed to be best for their baby NOW feel guilty for not being grateful for the reality that their baby is here, healthy and happy. Some also feel extremely guilty for not embracing the idea that it is a common and accepted method of bringing forth baby, for having thought “less” of moms who weren’t able to birth vaginally.
I love that there are now support networks both online and in person for the mothers who want to be able to talk about their surgeries without the worry of being overheard by mothers who have not had the experience. I am glad that Kirkey made an effort to open with comments from Claudia Villeneuve, president of the International Caesarean Awareness Network of Canada. I would have preferred she spend another line or two on ICAN so that moms who have experienced Caesarean birth know more about how this organization might help them.
The topic for tomorrow’s final article is titled: “The Push to Push.” Now if there is an article that may get me going, I suspect that may well be it!
POSTED BY SAM
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6 comments:
I'm really glad that you mentioned the guilt factor. I did not want a c-section. I did my research and was absolutely bound and determined that I was not going to have one unless the baby was really in trouble. Some things were out of my control. I was diagnosed polyhydrosis and contracted every 5 minutes for 2 weeks without making any progress. I stayed at 9.5 cm for 3 hours. I fought it. The baby was doing fine, but my heart rate was racing into the 160s (and staying there) and had been for hours. I felt like I was having a heart attack.
The next day more than one relative insisted on saying that I "decided" to have a c-section. It was as if I was being blamed for contributing to the already high c-section rate. When I would get upset and defensive about their implication that I could have "decided" to have a vaginal delivery instead, other relatives started down the "just be thankful" route.
I felt so guilty that I could not talk about my son's delivery for weeks. As much as I firmly believe that we need to reduce c-section rates (and plan on trying a vbac with my next child), I cannot tell you how many times I have felt judged by other women who make the assumption that I could have done something differently to avoid the c-section. Believe me; I spent weeks trying to figure out if I could have avoided my c-section.
@G
Thank you for your comments and insight into this very emotionally charged conversation. I can't change the circumstances that surrounded your son's birth but I will send vibes to you for peace as you consider, someday, having another baby and birthing that baby in a different way.
Excellent points! The "guilt about not being thrilled just to have a healthy baby" thing is so very true--I don't think I had realized it until now. Thank you. Wanted two natural births (the second at home) and had two unwanted C/S instead. The only person I've met from ICAN made things unbearably worse after the first one, by telling me only a few weeks post-partum that I wouldn't have had the c-section if I'd had a good midwife and stayed home for the birth. (Hopefully she isn't representative of the group as a whole.) And the natural parenting online community I was part of really didn't want me to talk about my c-section at all unless I was willing to become a sort of anti-cesarean crusader, continuing to perpetuate the idea that virtually NO c-section is ever necessary if you "do all the right things." *sigh*
So finding support and help working through those feelings was...well, just about impossible. I have come to a point of peace with myself, but find I am still holding onto anger at my partner for not understanding how I felt. I hope someday we can find a way to educate all interested parties, from partners to natural-birth advocates, on dealing with the pain of an unwanted surgical birth.
@Particles of Stone:
I hope that the ICAN person you met isn't indicative of the group as a whole. The GTA members that I have met have not had that approach, that I've heard anyway. Have you tried their online forums? I sometimes find the anonymous way in the easiest to start with.
I am with you. I hope that someday (SOON) everyone will look at the WHOLE picture not just the small, individual pieces of it.
HUGS!
The emotions I felt after my c-section were very hard for my family and friends to understand also. It appeared to everyone else that a "planned" (she was breech) c-section that went "smoothly" was therefore nothing to complain about. Again, like many of you, I was supposed to just be grateful for my healthy baby. Inside I was so angry! I was angry that I had been robbed of the opportunity to birth my baby, angry that my milk didn't come in for 6 days, angry that when my baby needed rocking and shushing, I couldn't walk and had to lay in bed helpless watching other people rock and walk my baby. I felt so powerless, out of control, and I do not feel that enough attention was paid to the fact that I was infact recovering from major abdominal surgery, which is NOT the same thing as recovering from giving birth. When the nurses at Trillium Hospital made me walk out of that hospital (down the hall, into the elevator etc) tears were streaming down my face from pain and frustration. (Apparently a wheel chair was not necessary 48 hours after surgery and I needed to suck it up!) My point being that the emotional implications of surgery are infact far reaching and very much real!
I seem to be posting this a lot lately http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/CSANDVBAC/shouldbegrateful.htm Luckily I never got that BS after the cesarean I was basically forced into with my oldest. I did get a lot of "You're so brave" stuff after my 2 UBAC's, but my personal feeling is that women who go to hospitals are the brave ones, you couldn't pay me enough to get me into a hospital for birth again.
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