Please Take Note

As I sit down to spend some time catching up on work that is WAY overdue to be completed I am compelled to address something that I hear in my classes from time to time. Last night we were talking about the products our parents used on our bodies/bums/hair/clothes, etc. when we were babies and how well each grandparent remembers clearly the recommended products of the day.

(Forgive me if I appear to be heading off in a tangent. Already this post is starting in a different direction than I had anticipated . . .)

How successful was the marketing of the day if our parents remember the kinds of products doctors and advertisers promoted some 25, 35, or 45 years ago? (I can't begin to guess what age you are so I am brushing with broad strokes here.) It goes beyond artificial baby milk (often called "infant formula") and "No Tears Shampoo." Our parents remember almost everything they bought and used when we were small and they remember why they made the choices they did.

Where am I going with this? What they don't seem to remember is the stuff that actually means something. Is it *really* important to you to know that your mother slathered your bottom in Penaten cream instead of Desitin?

So what is important? How many of you who are expecting your first baby (or have had a baby and remember back to before the first birth) had questions for your mother that she couldn't answer? (I don't mean to exclude those of you who can't/couldn't ask your mothers because of physical or emotional inability to have the questions answered.)

My solution? You know you can't make your mother remember these things but it is important to think about the questions that you wanted to know that answers to but couldn't get. Then take notes. Write down a few thoughts as you go through the process:

What time of day was it when you first started feeling contractions?

How did you feel when it started? When did you know "this is it?"

Where were you and who was with you at this time?

What kind of coping strategies did you use through the process?

Where did you give birth?

Who was your care provider?

Did you have a "doula" with you?

What was the weather like when your baby was born?

Did you have music playing in the background?

What song was your baby born to?

Who cut the cord?

Did you look at the placenta?

Did your baby go skin-to-skin immediately after the birth?

Did baby latch well right away?

There are an endless number of questions that can be asked and answered. Some of them will be more important to you than others. That's the beauty of this exercise.

When I am at a birth I try to take notes. Sometimes I don't get a chance to. I almost always transcribe those notes for the parents I work with so that they have a record of what I witnessed through their birth experience. It is a list of numbers I've been able to compile so they know pieces of their birthing puzzle which I was the only one who could easily answer.

When I give the "story" to the family I ask them to wait to read it until after they have had a chance to record their own thoughts and perceptions. I don't want my memories to BE their memories as much as I want them to fill in the holes.

This way, when your baby asks you about your transition to life as a parent, you will have the answers to their questions. And . . . you have something of a record for yourself when you get far enough past it (as I am) that it starts to become fuzzy in your own memory bank.

Have a great couple of weeks! I am off for some time with my husband and boys (ages 11 and 8) before they start school on September 9th. This will be a new venture for all of us as they have been homeschooled up until this point. I will be back the week of the 14th of September!!

Posted by Sam