Time to panic?? - SEE NOTE AT THE BOTTOM

I am certain that I am not the only person being bombarded with images of mask-clad adults scurrying through deserted city streets. Add to that the headlines being broadcast everywhere you go and the serious tone to the questions floating through the Twittersphere and on Facebook and you have a small situation reaching near mass-hysterical proportions.

Yes, I am writing about “Swine Flu.” You can imagine the fear-laced emails I have been receiving from new parents who are terrified about what to do with their babies. They have gone out of their way to keep their foetus safe through the pregnancy and birth and now they have this potential health care crisis looming over their heads.

Certainly I want to stress that the people who are at the greatest risk of developing this illness are the SAME group who are vulnerable at any other time a flu-bug passes through your community: infants, the elderly and the infirm.

Does this mean you should close the blinds, lock the doors and avoid answering the phone? Absolutely not! What I encourage you to do is to respect the needs of your baby above the wants of other people.

When you go out, don’t leave your baby in the car seat. This creates an atmosphere where people feel invited to greet your baby, touch him and pinch his little bunches of fat near the knees. Put your baby in your sling. Despite a desperately misinformed article on the Yummy Mummy site recently, ring slings are PERFECTLY safe if you know how to use them (just like most anything) and babies are kept away from the hands of strangers.

Wash your hands often and with soap and water, NOT hand-sanitizer or anti-bacterial soap (AB soap). The FDA was quick, in 2005, to point out that the AB soaps in homes are no more effective then traditional soap and, due to the chemicals found in said AB soaps have the possibility of being more dangerous then regular bars of soap.

And if you need an argument against using hand-sanitizer then you need only Google “what are the dangers of hand sanitizers” and you will start to see some of the risks associated with ingestion of the alcohol and Triclosan found in it. (Here is an example from Snopes) If you use it to protect yourself because you have been somewhere where you are at a noticeably increased risk, i.e.: a hospital emergency room, then be sure to wash your hands with regular soap and water immediately afterwards.

Another simple way to protect your baby, other than avoiding travel to areas where the numbers of infected are particularly high, is to breastfeed your baby. Remember, your baby tells your body what they need protection from and antibodies to. If you are breastfeeding then you will begin making the necessary antibodies very quickly for your exposed child. This isn’t just about Swine Flu either. Breastfeeding increases protection from any and all of the illnesses your family may come in contact with. Not breastfeeding puts your baby in an elevated risk category.

Ultimately, exercise caution. Go out into the world and soak up some sunshine. Walk through the tress and along the paths where buds are just forming on the branches. Savour the smells of the freshly blooming spring flowers. Avoid spending all of your time inside. At the end of it all remember, don’t panic. And when you get home, wash your hands.

*** RECENT ARTICLE BY DR. JAY GORDON ABOUT H1N1, SEPTEMBER 01, 2009 IS ANOTHER BRILLIANT EXAMPLE ABOUT WHY NOT TO PANIC ABOUT THIS ILLNESS!!! ***

Posted by Sam

Pain Relief in Labour That ISN'T an Epidural

Instead of writing an article about why medications as pain relief in labour are bad OR are good I have decided to write, with the help of some care providers, about ways to cope during labour. To be honest, right up front, I resent using the word “cope” because it suggests that labour is going to be a truly difficult experience. For many women this is simply not the case. Many, MANY women enjoy the process and love feeling the changes that take place in their bodies.

The goal I would like to achieve in this article is to remind you, the reader, of all of the ways to help yourself feel happy, well and capable while at the same time feeling comfortable during your labour and birth process.

The first and most significant place to start is a place of understanding. Understanding that you are fully capable of having this baby and understanding that your body will not make you experience something that you aren’t able to handle. (One need only look at all of the hormones associated with labour: oxytocin, endorphins, relaxin, etc. to know and truly appreciate this as fact.) Labour has been around as long as people have been. It is highly unlikely that we are now, for reasons beyond our knowledge, unable to withstand, physically, the “trauma” of transitioning to parenthood. That said we are also a society of people desperately afraid. Afraid of pain in labour. Afraid to learn something new about ourselves. Afraid that what we are feeling may make us stronger. And, once our children are born we are afraid of temperatures and drafts and spoiling and disappointing.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! Your body has brought you this far and it has got your back. Don’t start looking down the barrel of the worry gun. Think positively!

I once drove a client of mine to the hospital to have her baby. (Her partner was coming along after us but was making arrangements for their eldest child.) As we sped along mom expressed to me some of her worries about being able to manage her labour. I asked her to try to relax as best she could. I knew I was asking her to perform a feat that was almost impossible for her. As a professional dancer I knew that she was in the habit of telling her muscles how to tighten, not how to release.

I let her know that she had to relax to allow her baby the chance to come out. She asked me how I knew this and if there wasn’t a chance that perhaps she was the one person on the planet for whom relaxation didn’t work. What if it was more intense if she relaxed?

I promised her that this would not be the case and that she would, indeed, feel more comfortable and relief if she could find a way to try my method.

As the next contraction came she greeted it with a long, slow, deep breath in through her nose. She moved her shoulders to remind herself to let the tension flow away. She let her head hang down and she simply allowed the contraction to wash over her entire body.

This relaxation and our, her midwives and I, encouragement for her to listen to the positions her body wanted her to move into found her labouring in a much more serene, comfortable and positive way than she had before. Her biggest step was letting go of the fear and just letting the labour happen.

As a labour support provider (often called a “doula”) I spend more time helping moms and their partners find a way to listen to themselves then anything else. Sure, I can rub feet and I often rub backs but my faith in their abilities is the best tool I can bring into a labour room. The more convincing I am, the better the likelihood they will have the birth experience they would like.

What do I like to see them try? I want to see them sleeping away the first part of the labour process. There is no point in watching the hours tick by on the clock when precious time for sleep is passing. You can’t get those hours back.

Moms and their partners always worry that they will sleep through the labour and wake up when it is too late. It is hard not to laugh out loud when I remind them that a person will be exiting their body and it is unlikely that an event of such a monumental magnitude will go unnoticed.

I like to see the walk around, sit in the bath, eat foods they love, hold hand and slow dance. I like to see them create an atmosphere of celebration and excitement over the journey they are about to take together. Taking lots of pictures to document the passage into parenthood is a wonderful way to facilitate the right attitude and foster a peaceful environment.

I have spoken with Wendy Herod, Homeopathic Doctor (HD) and Noelle Byrne, Registered Massage Therapist (RMT) about ways their services can be helpful to pregnant and labouring moms. Both professionals have taken the time to outline, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the types of services they offer, just what kind of help they can give to the moms who seek them out. (The focus of this article surrounds the use of Registered Massage Therapy [RMT] and Homeopathic Medicine. I am waiting to speak further with a chiropractor and acupuncturist for use of those techniques for treatment of similar concerns.)

Herod’s office is in Toronto and she specializes in working with women of childbearing age, through their conception, pregnancy and birth as well as treating the whole, young family afterwards. Surrounding the use of homeopathic medicine as she does she wrote:

When dealing with issues surrounding labour and delivery, homeopathic remedies can be extremely useful. These remedies are subtle and absolutely safe to use during pregnancy (even with newborns once they are born). Like other systems of natural medicine, homeopathy works on a belief that your body knows how to deliver your baby, the remedy is merely a reminder to help your body go through it in the most balanced way possible.

In the case of inductions, the remedy inspires your body to move into action. At about the 40th week of pregnancy women begin to search for ways to coax their bodies into action so as to avoid unwanted medical interventions. Using homeopathy to induce labour means that you will be working with your body and with your baby to set the natural course of labour into action. In many cases it is not a physical or mechanical reason women go into postdates, but rather a fear (of pain, of losing control, of medical interventions, etc.). When a good homeopathic remedy is selected, usually only 1 or 2 doses are needed to aid the body and mind into action.

Homeopathic remedies can also be used effectively to help aid the body through difficult physical and emotional transitions during labour such as exhaustion, back labour pain, delayed or weak labour, anxiety, over-excitement etc. They are small, easy to administer and taste good!


When speaking with Noelle Byrne, a Calgary-based RMT, about the role she is able to play in both preparing a mom for labour as well as with relaxing during the entire birth experience, she wrote:

Registered Massage Therapists take a variety of courses, both in and out of school. We learn how certain spots on the body reflexively work on other areas. As part of our training we are taught what areas can trigger labour (lower back, pelvis, areas on the feet). Many of us also take extra courses after school in areas that what we want to specialize in. For example I have taken courses in reflexology and pre/post natal massage. In fact I specialize in pre/post natal care, and have many time helped my clients with inducing labor. If the woman's body is ready to go into labor, massage to induce tends to work within 24-48hrs. If her body is not ready then nothing is going to help other than time.
For pain relief we use our knowledge to help the women to relax. We are trained to talk softly, and with authority if needed. When a woman in labour is experiencing contractions as being painful we can remind her how to breathe, massage areas that, in the past, have been shown to be her "tight spots" or areas where she "holds her stress". Often, when a contraction hits a woman she, understandably, tenses up. By helping her body to relax and by reminding her how to take slow, deep breaths it is easier for her to get through each contraction. This in turn empowers her to know she can get through each contraction, either on her own or with coaching, and she is less she will ask for medical interventions in the form of pain relief.
Sometimes it is not the mother who is tense. When the people around are tense or nervous that transfers over to the mother. Offering little 10-15 minute massages can help those people to relax, so that they can then focus on the person who needs the most attention.

** This is a great time to point out that your ability to relax and enjoy the labour process will be dramatically compromised if you don’t work to create a safe place where you are surrounded only by people you know, trust and who can allow you the space to relax safely. **

I enjoy taking the time to answer questions, translating “doctor speak,” and reminding her that what she is feeling is normal. When I massage her abdomen, prenatally, I also take the time to show her where the baby is positioned. Looking at your baby on an ultra sound screen and feeling it for yourself are two very different things. Having that connection is such a vital key to feeling like you are having a healthy and happy pregnancy.

The bottom line is that you can’t skip labour and, by now, presumably you are pretty excited about the reality of meeting your wee baby. What is there to be afraid of? If it was REALLY as bad as everyone tells you that it is there is NO way any of us would line up to go a second, third, fourth . . . time, is there??

Decide what kinds of tools you can employ, commit to making this a wonderful and adventure-filled experience and don’t forget to wave at all of the nay-sayers as you have a fantastic time becoming a parent!

Keep us posted about how incredible it all was and keep your ears closed to the horror stories that people need to unload. It isn’t you, really. It’s them!

****************************************
Here is a list of tools and strategies, outside of alternative therapies like: Homeopathy, RMT, Acupuncture, Acupressure, Aromatherapy, Chiropractic, Reflexology, etc. that you may like to consider:

Music
Dancing
Walking
Sleeping
Hydrotherapy
Birth Ball
Breathing
Hands and knees
TENS machine
Rolling pin/tennis balls
Hot/cold packs
Distractions outside of the house (movies, dinner, midnight stroll, etc.)
Sex
Singing
Baking

. . . what other ideas can you offer as suggestions that worked well for you???

Posted by Sam

Breastfeeding Is Environmentally Responsible

ANOTHER RE-POST!! WITH EARTH DAY HERE IT IS THE PERFECT TIME TO REMIND NEW AND EXPECTANT PARENTS ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING BEYOND THOSE THAT IMMEDIATELY IMPACT MOM AND BABY!

Two of my favourite topics to talk and write about. With spring now upon us and my mini-irises already in bloom my thoughts turn to the environment, the world we live in and teaching our children to be more eco-responsible. Admittedly the majority of readers of the babyREADY blog have babies and very young children/toddlers so you may not be exactly where I am with regard to teaching children about eco-consciousness. Let me turn this around though and offer some “food for thought” that brings environmentalism back into the discussion though. I want to write about how breastfeeding is an eco-responsible way to feed your baby.

I don’t think this is a topic about which very many people give any thought. They know that they turn their thermostats down at night, buy organic produce and even make an effort to avoid doing laundry during peak hours but I wonder how many have given any thought as to what goes into the food they feed their baby?

I want to draw your attention to what types of risks to the environment come from simply creating artificial baby milk (ABM):

• Toxic fumes in the form of methane gas from cow emissions (flatulence and waste). Cow’s milk protein is the base ingredient in most artificial baby milks
• Soil erosion, deforestation and inappropriate use of land due to clear cutting trees, underbrush and bushes to make space for raising the cattle
• Contaminated water tables as a result of the pesticides sprayed on and injected into the grains used to feed the cows as well as the cattle waste which seeps into the ground and water table and runs off into the creeks and streams
• When soy is the base ingredient being used instead of cow’s milk protein then contaminants from the irrigation and pesticides run into water tables as well as the toxic emissions from the farm equipment needed to harvest the soy



None of this speaks at all to the clear cutting of land to harvest trees to make paper for labels and cardboard boxes for the ABM packaging, emissions from vehicles used to transport the ABM packages, or the plastic bottles, nipples and other contraptions required for transferring the ABM into the infant.

Breastfeeding not only feeds the soul but it feeds the planet. This time of year as the earth begins to show signs of new life my fascination with the breastfeeding relationship, as it extends outside of the mother/baby dyad, gains new life. I encourage all of you to consider what you are doing for the planet the next time you feed your child.

** Some of the other people who have written about breastfeeding and the environment and have done it in more detail are:
Breastfeeding Moms Unite - a great post about "Breastfeeding for Earth Day."
Ecomall: A Place to Help Save the Earth
KellyMom: Breastfeeding and Environmental Contaminants
Eco Child’s Play: Breastfeeding Benefits the Environment Too!

Posted by Sam

How To Get Baby To Take A Bottle

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

I am re-posting this article as part of a new "How To" Carnival of Breastfeeding.
My contribution includes information about "how to" get your breastfed baby to take a bottle (once breastfeeding is well established).

As a breastfeeding specialist another common call I get surrounds the idea of babies taking a bottle. Mom has worked hard to create a comfortable breastfeeding relationship and perhaps now she is looking for some time alone without her baby. Maybe she has an ill friend or family member and wants her baby to learn to take a bottle “just in case” she needs to be away from her infant for any length of time.

When should a bottle be introduced? What kind of bottles to use? Are all nipples the same? What is the best way to give a bottle so that baby will want to take it?

These are some of the many questions I get and I will tackle all of them and more. It needs to be said, from the very beginning, that I don’t think all babies need to take a bottle. Babies are very portable and would rather be with mom than without her. I don’t think artificial nipples should be introduced until after breastfeeding is well established; this is usually around 4-6 weeks. Any nipple, other than moms, can interfere with your baby learning how to breastfeed.

I KNOW, I KNOW! Many, many people – even well-meaning health care practitioners – will tell you that “nipple confusion” is a fallacy. I don’t mean to contradict anything you have been told by someone else and I am very happy that your care provider has never witnessed “nipple confusion” first hand. I have seen it a number of times. Because baby takes milk from a bottle VERY differently than they draw milk from the breast it can be difficult for some babies to switch back and forth between the two feeding methods in the early weeks. Once breastfeeding is well established and you are both feeling comfortable with the process then it is usually fine to introduce an occasional artificial nipple to baby by way of a bottle or pacifier.

The type of bottle is mostly irrelevant. Glass or stainless steel are your best options without ever having to use the dreaded plastic. Some parents are worried about glass bottles shattering on the ground once baby is old enough to hold it himself and pitch it to the floor while sitting in a high chair. There are silicone sleeves that are available at most department stores that help to minimise this likelihood but what we like even better, at babyREADY, are the stainless steel options from companies like Klean Kanteen™.

Not only are Klean Kanteen™ bottles adaptable into sippy cups (which is how we sell them) but the bottle adapters also work with Avent™ infant nipples. These bottles are not easy to break and they convert to sippies and to regular water bottles over time so that they can be used repeatedly for years and years. If your baby or child throws them on the floor the worst that is likely to happen is that the bottle will become dented.

Virtually all artificial nipples and their bottles are the same. None are like moms breast, no matter what various marketing campaigns will tell you. Some babies prefer bottles with a wider bottom and some babies like the smaller, daintier options. Try them all. The only thing that we usually say is that it may be healthier to try the natural rubber nipple options if you can find them. (If you live in the GTA and are looking for natural, rubber nipples and pacifiers then let us know and we can help you locate them.)

Now that I have listed the preparatory considerations we now get into the logistics of trying to encourage your intelligent baby to take an artificial nipple. Don’t be discouraged if he or she is reluctant at first. They are smart. The real thing is much softer, better smelling and easier to control the flow with.

The following are some ideas that may make it easier to encourage your baby to take a bottle from the non-nursing parent, grandparent, friend or babysitter. Try:

◊ Offering the bottle/cup when mom is out – preferably out of the house but if that is not possible then be sure that she is out of the room at least.
◊ To make sure your baby isn’t starving when you offer the bottle. If he or she is really hungry then they don’t want to learn something new; they just want to eat.
◊ Finding a new setting for feeding the baby. If mom usually sits on the sofa in the living room then go into the den and sit in a chair so that your baby is not expecting to feed at the breast.
◊ Remembering that an artificial nipple feels very different in the mouth of your baby. They are smarter than we give them credit for. If the first nipple doesn’t work after a few tries, offer a different one.
◊ Creating a soothing setting with calming, familiar music playing in the background. Talk to the baby while offering the bottle. Interact with him or her.
◊ Using a sippy adapter instead, if your baby is four months of age or older and doesn’t like the bottle. Some babies never like a bottle. It isn’t a personal affront to the parents. It is simply personal preference.
◊ Not to lose patience. This last point is the most important. Your baby will feel your stress and if you are not happy then they have no reason to be happy. Keep it light. If they want the bottle then great. If they don’t then that’s okay too.

It can be helpful to remember that there isn’t one single benefit (physiological or psychological) for your baby in their taking a bottle. It is ALL about the parents and what the parents want. The more we try to alienate them and push them away (or “make them independent”) the more dependent we usually make them.

No matter what, your baby loves you and whether or not he or she takes a bottle is absolutely no reflection on his or her feelings for you. In fact, by not taking a bottle your baby is showing you just how much value she or he places in the time spent breastfeeding and bonding with mom.

Posted by Sam

OTHER POSTS IN THE CARNIVAL:
How to Breastfeed (Or Just Look Like You Know What You're Doing)
How to Pump Successfully at Work
How to help your baby kick the nipple shield habit.
How to Get Breastfeeding off to a Good Start
How to Breastfeed Hands free
How to become a breastfeeding support professional
How to Care for a Sick Nursling
How to Increase Milk Supply Using Supplements
How to Wean a Breastfed Toddler
How to be comfortable around a breastfeeding mom
How to Get a Spouse to Help With Breastfeeding
How to (Naturally) Increase Your Milk Supply - Try Seaweed!
How to deal with family members who aren't supportive of breastfeeding
How-To” - "Using YouTube to STOP nosey questions!
how to teach your baby nursing manners
How To Improve Milk Supply Through Nutrition
How To Treat A Cold While Breastfeeding
Tandem Nursing: How to Do It Without Driving Yourself and Your Nurslings Crazy

The Toddler Strikes Again!!

Lucy, Julie’s mom, is at the back of the room and hasn’t made eye contact with you since you arrived. Funny. Last week you seemed to have so much in common. In fact, this week it feels as though everyone is keeping their distance a little bit. Sure, they are friendly enough but they aren’t initiating conversation and it feels as though you have to do more than usual to keep it flowing. You brush your worry aside reminding yourself that you all have toddlers and are tired and that you must just be extra sensitive today.

The toddler sign language class is over and the children are enjoying having some time together to play with toys and run around in an unstructured activity setting. Your baby, Mikal, grabs the red pin from the plastic bowling set and bangs it on his head. He laughs as he hears the sound it makes and as he realises it isn’t hurting him. He tries hitting the side of the plastic playhouse and giggles with glee as it vibrates up his arm and makes a louder, deeper sound. He is on a roll and you are enjoying laughing at his entertaining antics.

Then the environment changes completely. You’d turned to answer a direct question and as you turn back towards Mikal you are just in time to see the red pin come crashing down on the head of, Ryan, the toddler closest to your son. As Ryan begins to scream at the top of his lungs you lunge toward Mikal. He dissolves into tears at the same time. You pull him in close and remind him that it wasn’t nice to hit Ryan. You hope he understands what you mean. You snuggle and dance and smother his face with kisses and, once Mikal has calmed down and is quiet again you dutifully send him over to tell Ryan that he is “sorry.” You totally ignore the voice in the back of your head that reminds you toddlers have no concept of what they are saying when they apologise for misdeeds and misdoings.

Once the matter has been settled according to the pattern we parents deem appropriate you set Mikal off to play with something else; something less dangerous, you hope. You smile to yourself as he grabs a baby doll from the mini bassinette and snuggles it in close. He wraps both of his fat little arms around the doll and, as he walks around the small play area he buries his face in its neck to smother it with kisses. His eyes are closed and you realise, as it is too late to react, that he is in the process of tripping over the little girl, Anna, who was sitting on the floor playing quietly with the train set.

Mayhem erupts again. Anna starts screaming because the quiet peace of her individual play has been disrupted. She isn’t hurt but she is frightened and in her fear she lashes out with the piece of track in her hand, striking Mikal in the leg. We’ve forgotten that his quiet peace was also disturbed when he fell and so Anna’s reaction causes a reaction in him and he leans forward and bites Anna on the forearm.

Ugh. Biting: the worst fear of any parent. We don’t want our child to be bitten and we certainly don’t want our babies to be the biters either. Despite the flat reassurances from Anna’s mother you know she is upset. You can see in her eyes that she feels you should be reprimanding Mikal for his actions. What can you do though? How do you remedy this situation when Mikal is only 16 months old? You know he wasn’t TRYING to attack Anna.

You quietly resolve that the best solution is simply to go home. You gather your belongings as fast as you can and throw an hysterical toddler under one arm as you wrestle to get your poorly re-stuffed diaper bag onto your shoulder. You hear a shoe hit the floor and momentarily consider leaving it lying there because now that you have decided to go home, you can’t get out of there fast enough. A quick glance back over your shoulder reassures you that you have made the right decision. You have seen the looks pass between Anna’s mom, Ryan’s mom and Lucy, which suggest they aren’t sad to see the back side of you.

You get Mikal buckled into his seat and realise you need to take a few calming breaths before driving anywhere. Mikal remains crying and upset and you don’t want him to see you breaking down at the same time. You wipe the stress lines from your face and turn to look at him with a big, bright smile. He looks at you with pleading in his eyes and you know, beyond a doubt, that there is something big that he wishes he could tell you.

Why do some children act seemingly more aggressively than others? Are they here to indicate that we have ADHD children in the making, even from toddlerhood? Perhaps, but not likely. Our children are simply smaller versions of big people. Some teens and adults are far more physical and aggressive than others. Some people need to crank the tunes and move around to work through stressors while others need quiet and serenity with little to no movement to resolve conflict.

What are some of the most common aggravators of toddlers and young children?
• Physical limitations (i.e.: not being able to make the body do what they want it to do – climb stairs, run without falling, put a car on the back of a truck, get their shoes on by themselves, etc.)
• Poor verbal skills (i.e.: not able to create the sentence structure required to get a point across in a way that it is understood)
• Physiologic changes (teething pain, growing pains, learning to understand the need to toilet without soiling or wetting the diaper/training pants, etc.)
• Difficulty with change and transition to change (leaving an environment without warning that the change is coming or knowing it is coming but not wanting the current fun to end due to a lack of understanding that similar fun will happen again in the future)
**It may be helpful to note that many of these aggravators are made that much worse by the sleep deprivation and sleep disruption experienced by both the child AND the parent when there is physical pain and/or discomfort associated with the aggravators.**

Anna may have hit Mikal with the track because she didn’t have the verbal skills to let him know that she wished he hadn’t tripped over her. Ryan’s reaction was expected because he wasn’t anticipating being hit in the head, even though we saw Mikal hit himself in the head without it causing him to lose his smile. Mikal reacted to the reactions of the other children, exactly as we would have done as adults in similar situations. We might not have bit Anna but we may very well have lashed out at her.

Mikal can’t tell his mother that he wishes he hadn’t tripped over Anna or that he didn’t mean to hurt Ryan any more than he can tell his mom that he wasn’t ready to leave the play centre just yet and that that is why he is still crying when he is put in the car.

Perhaps Mikal’s reaction to being hit by Anna was to bite, in part, due to the fact that he is working on getting new teeth, his gums hurt and his patience is a little short because he didn’t sleep as much last night as he usually does. As parents we don’t often look at the reasons for the actions we just look at the actions by themselves.

So many of the parenting “experts” will tell you how to deal with the behaviours you don’t like. Very few of them spend time outlining the potential motivations behind the behaviours.

Would you really believe that the best response to a child yelling and throwing a car across the room is to take the car away (because if they really wanted it, they wouldn’t have thrown it) if you spent some time watching your child and began to understand that she was reacting to the fact that she couldn’t get the car to sit at the top of the ramp without moving until she was ready to launch it? Are there not considerably better ways to react to that kind of a situation than that? Like, for instance, sitting and playing cars with her and trying to help her achieve her goal?

What about biting your child because they bit you, or bit someone else? What on earth does that teach them, other than the fact that you can bite? Wouldn’t they be better served by having you slice some cold apple for them to chew on or give them a frozen facecloth to work over their, obviously, sore gums?

When you decide to react to the behaviours in your child that you don’t like remember that YOU know your baby better than anyone else. Look at him or her and spend some time determining what factor is behind the way they are acting and what you can do to turn the situation around without having to give either one of you a, useless, “time out.”

Posted by Sam

Play: A Game the Whole Family Can Enjoy!

The inspiration to take the time to write this post came from Annie @ PhD In Parenting. She is currently running a "Carnival of Play" on her blog and I decided I wanted babyREADY to participate. What follows are some of my thoughts about play and the family. Check out PhD In Parenting's blog site and read some of the other posts on other sites based on the play theme!
MOST OF ALL . . . HAVE FUN!!!

Play. It means many different things to many different people. When should a child start playing? How old is too old to play? Can reading be considered playing? Does “playing” have to be a physical activity? Oh the endless questions and possibilities. We could make a game out of deciding how to define play in our lives.

I don’t remember when, exactly, play became something that I wasn’t supposed to eagerly participate in anymore. I suspect it was a self-imposed rule as opposed to being enforced by my parents. That’s is one of the big challenges that parents of growing children face; how to help your child stay “cool” while encouraging them to stay “young” too.

I look at my 11 year old. He still loves to build with Lego™, shoot off Nerf™ Guns, and ride bikes with his friends. He, and his younger brother, love to PLAY! For them the more action and adventure the better and if there is a little mud to add to the equation then that is a recipe for a perfect afternoon.

This past weekend we hosted the birthday party for my, now, 11 year old. We knew it would be a busy weekend with family and friends and decided that a home-based party with his closest peers was the best answer. I sent out the email invitations and asked each of the children attending (ages ranging from 13 down to 6) to bring their Nerf ™ weaponry with them.

Once the party had started and all of the children were present and accounted for I sent them out to the empty schoolyard behind our house. I worried, unnecessarily as it turns out, that the boys coming to our place would think that this planned gun battle wouldn’t be as much fun as a Laser Quest,™ or Playdium™ party. The worry, as I have said, was unfounded. All of the boys had a fabulous time strategizing their moves, working as a collective and, simply, playing. I felt bad when the rain picked back up and they had to come in to get out of the downpour.

When I was a child I remember my sister being told to go outside to play and to stop reading. When my children were smaller and just beginning to read I remembered those times and wondered what on earth my parents had been thinking. Now, as my children lose themselves in books, movies and video games I have yet another take on the whole process.

I can appreciate that my parents wanted my sister to get outside for the physical benefits of running around, breathing fresh air and stimulating her senses. I still think that if left to her own devices my sister would be eternally reading. She simply finds such intense pleasure from the act. (As do many of us.)

I love that there is a whole world to be found in books though (or in movies or video games) and I think that there is play to be found on screens and pages also. Many people forget the role that our imaginations have in forming the kind of interests we possess. If I never read “James and the Giant Peach” then I can’t imagine the idea of floating, quietly and peacefully, over the ocean in an edible craft. I can’t imagine overcoming the fears associated with meeting new people. I also can’t imagine how to navigate the waters of forming friendships with a variety of people who don’t seem to have a lot in common. I think the non-traditional methods of play I’ve just mentioned, help to shape the kind of people we are and the way we amuse ourselves. They help us to expand our horizons.

We have included play as a part of our regular routine since our children were small. In fact, most nights you will hear squeals of laughter as all of us (parents included) race to be the first to get our pyjamas on. Or to visit the loo on the way out the door before a road trip. Or to get our hockey gear packed up before our weekly game of pick-up hockey with some of our homeschooled friends. The more I think about it the more I realise that there isn’t much time in our day that doesn’t revolve, in some way, around play.

I also think it is important for us to remember to keep engaging in recreational activities as we age and become important figures in the lives of other people. Many parents find themselves so busy that they forget the value and lessons which come from taking the time to participate in anything **with** their children.


With strangers in our neighbourhoods and bullies in our schools there are too many ways our offspring need to be encouraged to grow up extra quickly. Don’t make them resent the time they didn’t get to enjoy being children. Step back from the stack of bills, dishes that need to be done (and, for the record there is a game in dishwashing, clothes laundering and bathroom cleaning if you look for it) and beds to be made and just BE with your children. You will be amazed at what they will teach you and the fun you will have. Isn’t that what you really want, for your children to be happy? It’s SO much easier when you model it for them with your own happiness!!

Posted by Sam

Some of the other PLAY articles featured in PhD In Parenting's "Carnival of Play" include:
Let's Pretend
Carnival of Play
Play Ball
Loulou's Views: Carnival of Play
Beyond the Baby B's
Playing Pizzeria
Investing in the Art of Play
Play and Being Present
Creative Play is an Academic Pursuit
Time to Pretend
Play Day
Carnival of Play and Playdough Recipe
Think, Play, Nutrition, Rest for Long-Term Health of Your Children
Monday's Muse - the Blog Meme for Creative Moms
Carnival of Play: Water Play Activities
Silken Laumann Says Play

CAN WE SEND HIM BACK?

The days, moments, and hours we DON’T love parenting . . .

Prior to delivering this well-loved and uber-anticipated baby you hadn’t been up in the middle of the night with any regularity since first year university. Now, in the inky-black of the bedroom, you hear your baby’s breathing pattern shift from gentle snores into the pre-waking lip smacking. Your breasts begin the telltale change indicating it is time to get up to nurse your baby.

While rolling over and forcing your eyes to open, you notice the unbroken, unaltered breathing pattern of your soundly, sleeping partner. A soft groan escapes from your mouth as you reach over to turn on the night-light beside your bed. Although it is difficult to focus, you’re pretty sure the bedside clock reads: 3:11 a.m.

Without meaning to, without planning it, and without (thankfully) anyone able to hear you, you ask yourself **why** you wanted to be a mother anyway. You gasp and look around ensuring your message wasn’t heard and look down at the vision of perfection waking beside you. How could you have asked such a horrible question when there isn’t a doubt in the world that you love this baby more than you love your own life?

Because you are a mom!!

Even though you were told it would be hard. Even though you watched the videos in prenatal class. Even though you’ve seen the bags under the eyes of your new-mommy peers, you didn’t really believe that there would be times that you would not love every single second of parenting. I STILL feel that way every once in a while and my children are well past infancy and toddlerhood. They go to sleep at bedtime, sleep through the night and do their level best to get up without waking me in the mornings. All of these wonderful attributes aside, there are still days I wonder what on earth I got myself into.

I receive countless calls and share communal tears with many moms I have met and taught. I listen as they berate themselves for not being the ever-doting mother who loves every single moment of parenthood. I am here to tell you that there isn’t a mother on the planet who has loved every single part of the parenting process.

How can you work 18-24 hours a day (and when you are not “on the floor” working, you are “on call”), 7 days a week without feeling overwhelmed sometimes? Factor in sleeping on an erratic schedule and eating whenever you get a chance and it’s no wonder that life isn’t all a bed of roses.

What matters is that usually you **do** love it. It matters that you get that gooey feeling in your tummy when you watch your baby sigh in his sleep or wrap your finger tight in her hand. The power is yours when you let yourself spend more time focusing on the sweet smell of your milk-drunk babe than on the gut-wrenching guilt over the frustration of not being able to pee without interruption in weeks.

There will be something you love and something you really DON’T love about every step and stage of your child’s life. The key is to embrace that knowledge and not let it make you feel like less than the perfect parent you already are. (To date my least favourite has been the “well, actually mom . . . “ phase. Grrr, just makes me angry to think about it!)

Now, you have been unburdened of the guilt you have secretly carried around. You know you are just one of the crowd. So, sneak into the room where your child is or children are and just watch them for a few moments. Then, when you can’t stay away another moment, slip over, wrap them in your arms and breathe deep. Always, ALWAYS remember to BREATHE!!!

It’s the hardest job you will ever do but it is also the best gig ever!!!

(This post is not referring to Post Partum Depression (PPD). I am simply making reference to the sometimes-overwhelming frustration that comes with living with anyone on a day-to-day basis. If you are worried that you have PPD and would like to read Kristin’s recent post, please click here.)

Posted by Sam