What About Breastfeeding When I Go Back To Work?

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

When my eldest child (PB) was 15 months old my partner and I decided that we would be better served if I was able to supplement his income a bit more than I had been with the limited labour support I was doing at the time. It nearly broke my heart to think of leaving PB at home with daddy, not that daddy wasn’t more than capable, because I liked to be the one to meet his needs.

I applied for a job in a local bakery and was hired to work weekends and holidays. We felt this arrangement would suit us best as it would always allow one of us to be with our boy and would save us the cost of childcare. My husband was excited about having a chance to get to know our son in a way that hadn’t yet happened because I was always home with them. I was terrified of how my baby was going to cope without his mommy there to look after him. (Please understand that I trusted/trust my partner without hesitation. The issue here was completely my own.)

It surprises many to know that this wee lad who was a total of 32 lbs at his first birthday was not a child who enjoyed eating solid food. His lack of interest in ingesting anything other than momma’s milk was fuel for my fear. My partner and I talked at length about how we would manage and how he would cope if our baby wasn’t interested in eating anything. We came to the agreement that once per 8-hour shift he would bring the baby to me to nurse. This way we would know that he was eating something but I could still work.

Our mutually satisfying approach only lasted for a few months and by the end of the summer, when PB was 1.5 years old, he stayed happily with daddy all day and nursed only when I was around. He learned very quickly that he could only have nursing when mommy was there and not when she wasn’t.

After how smoothly things unfolded with us the first time around we developed the confidence we needed to do it again, this time sooner, when we had our second child, SB. He was 7 weeks old when I returned to teaching prenatal classes. (I waited until he was 6 months old before I started attending births again.)

For the first 5 or 6 weeks I took SB to work with me. I figured the couples in my classes were going to need to see how easy multitasking was when you had a baby. He happily hung out in the sling while I taught and everyone was happy. PB and daddy were happy too because it gave them some time at home alone to maintain the connected relationship they had established before SB arrived.

By the time SB was about 3 months old he had decided that he didn’t want to spend two straight hours in the sling and wanted to interact a little more with me, or anyone really, so I began expressing my milk and leaving it for him. He still needed to be rocked to sleep and slung a great deal but he, daddy and PB learned to enjoy their evenings together. (In fact, I still sometimes feel as though I am a bit of a “third wheel” when I am home in the evenings and am interrupting their flow of things.)

I had a terrible time achieving a milk ejection reflex so I learned to express my milk with a pump on one side and SB nursing on the other. If I was able to do both simultaneously then I would get lots of milk for the next time I would be away. I also began to savour those special nursing sessions just before leaving and immediately after returning from work. Those were our own private moments to reconnect and, just as I had with PB when I was nursing him before and after work, SB and I soon got into a rhythm knowing that those moments were sacred.

I have long believed that it is important to nurse my children well past the first few weeks or months. I have also long believed that it is essential for our children to see us working AND, more importantly, enjoying the work that we do. I LOVE the fact that I get to attend births, teach prenatal classes and offer lactation services to new families. The fact that my children were able to witness the fulfilment I get from the work I do AND that they got to benefit from the extended breastfeeding that I was able to achieve will only have taught them a pair of valuable life lessons.

Posted by Sam

OTHER POSTS IN THE NURSING AND WORKING CARNIVAL INCLUDE:
Breastfeeding At My Family Daycare by Breastfeeding Moms Unite
A Job Where Everyone Breastfeedsby The Milk Mama
Sorry, Facilities Guy. by Momnesia the Book
Taking Your Working Boobs to Work by Marshins
Working and Breastfeeding a Toddler by Amber
Working and Pumping by The Marketing Mama
Breastfeeding and working is possible, and you can make it work by Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog
Do you really need a pump? by Chronicles of a Nursing Mom
I Think This Officially Makes Me a Mommy Blogger by Vanderbilt Wife
My Breast Pump and I didn't get Along by Stork Stories
Ask an LC: What About Pumping? by Stork Stories guest posting on the Breastfeeding Moms Unite Blog
Tips for Breastfeeding and Working by Breastfeeding 1-2-3
Breastfeeding and Working in the UK by Breastfeeding Mums
The 5 biggest mistakes working & pumping moms make by Blacktating
Beating the Employment Booby Trap by Best for Babes
This Is A Breastfeeding Office by Mum Unplugged
Nursing Mothers Need Workplace Support by My World Edenwild

Umbilical Cord Around the Neck - should we worry?

The greatest fears an expectant couple has relate solely to the safety of their unborn child. There are so many things that could go wrong, even though they rarely do these days. At the top of the list of the fears about the safety of the foetus is the worry that the umbilical cord will unwittingly wrap itself around the neck of the infant, essentially choking him or her.

For YEARS I have been telling the couples in my prenatal classes (and there have been thousands of couples in my classes) that this is not the case. I let them know that I, personally, have seen the cord around the necks of approximately 30% of the over 250 births I have witnessed without any peril to the baby in any way. To tell you that they are flabbergasted and barely willing to believe me is an understatement. Almost every time I tell a class this I am challenged with a birth story that someone in the class has heard which suggested the exact opposite.

I know it sounds cocky and cavalier to say this but my own feelings are this: when it comes to knowing the true reason behind any of the “emergency procedures” performed on a mother and/or her baby during the birth process, the mother (and often the unpregnant partner) usually proves to be an unreliable witness.

WHY IS IT HARD FOR THE PARENTS TO KNOW THE REAL REASON FOR THE CHOICES MADE DURING LABOUR?

My reason is simple and not at ALL intended to offend. Mothers and their partners are so emotionally invested in the birth that all they can think about is the health of the baby. When a careprovider tells a mother that her labour is not unfolding in a predictable fashion or that the baby seems to be experiencing “some distress” so a caesarean birth is being recommended, she is not able to process everything she hears subjectively. She will be looking for ANY reason as to why her baby and her body are not performing the way she anticipated.

What will often happen, again this is in my own experience, is that while the mother is undergoing a caesarean birth the OB will run a commentary about what s/he is witnessing with regard to the baby. If the cord is around the neck once it may or may not be commented on. If the cord is around the neck a couple or several times this will likely be noted with surprise in the voice, not because the cord around the neck was causing trauma to the unborn foetus but rather because it is unusual to see. The real cause for the concern with relation to the necessity of the surgical birth is unlikely ever to be revealed, sometimes because it is never truly known.

As a culture we have been hearing about the worry associated with umbilical cords and birth for a LONG time. There have been myths established and perpetuated for decades: “don’t raise your arms over your head while pregnant or the baby will wrap itself in the umbilical cord.” If parents are not given the true reason for the surgical birth, if it is not really known or if the parents are willing to see the surgery as having been necessary by believing that the cord was the risk, then so much the better for the liability of the careproviders; especially when the reason for the concern that presented during the labour is not easily identified.

I don’t mean to suggest the OBs are performing caesarean sections unnecessarily, although the Society of Obstetrician and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) may disagree with me. I mean to suggest that the reasons may not always be what they originally seem to be.

What prompted this ramble about umbilical cords? I was directed to have a look at this blog entry and these websites. It is something that I hear fear about quite often and so I wanted to put my voice “out there” as well and let others know their babies are safe.

PS – I know it IS possible for a baby to be in such a position that the body of the baby compresses the umbilical cord decreasing oxygen and blood flow to the baby. This is MUCH less likely than a cord around the baby’s neck but it can, and does happen.

Posted by Sam

Sibling Preparation - how to ready your older child

Many of the clients I work with have been with me since before their first child was born. When they find themselves pregnant with their next baby we often communicate about not only the ways that I can help them through this new pregnancy and birth but also what kinds of resources I can offer them in preparing their older child for the new family member.

BEST-RECEIVED IDEAS FOR MAKING YOUR OLDER CHILD READY

• When you bring the new baby home you may find it helpful to post a note on your door that reads: “Welcome to our home and we look forward to you meeting our new baby. FIRST, please take a moment to speak with [your older child’s name]. Ask him/her to introduce you to the baby.” By taking this approach you remind visitors that your older child has always been the focus of initial contact for these visitors and will rapidly notice how the focus has moved to the baby. This reminder helps the older child feel important. The baby isn’t really interested in the fact that these people have come to meet him/her.

• As much as we adults love getting gifts, let your older child be the one to open the gifts. It will help him/her feel involved.

• Have a few gifts for your older child for those occasions when guests have only brought something for the baby.

• Try not to make too many changes to your child’s routine close to the delivery. If you are going to move your child out of a crib, into another room, or into a new day care, it would be better to do it months before the baby is born.

• Do not try and teach your child new skills close to the delivery date (potty training, weaning from a bottle, moving to a new bed).

• Expect your child to act like a baby to see what kind of a reaction you will give. **Remember: the more you react (i.e.: “big boys don’t pee in their pants,” or “big girls don’t sleep in cribs”) the more the baby-like behaviour will persist.** Try to be patient.

• Allow your older child to hold the baby whenever she wants. Teach him/her how to hold the baby safely. This will fill her/his desire to hold the baby and assure that he/she understands that it is only okay to do when you are there to help.

• Spend time making a game out of the kinds of strange noises that you may make when you are in labour. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and hears you labouring it may be frightening. By making a game out of this ahead of time they will be more willing to accept the sounds instead of being scared and will not be so quick to blame the baby for “hurting mommy.” **This is ESPECIALLY important if you are planning to have your baby at home and there is an increased likelihood that your older child will hear you in labour.**

• Do your very best to avoid using the baby as an excuse for not being able to do something. For example: your older child wants a glass of water. It is easy to say, “I can’t get it right now because I am nursing the baby.” This answer may very well incite resentment for the baby from the older child because if it weren’t for the baby, you would be able to get the water. Instead try: “I am in the middle of something else. As soon as I have a moment, I will get that glass of water for you.” Says the same thing but doesn’t mention the baby. It’s amazing how well this works.

• Talk about when your older child was a baby and show pictures of when she/he was an infant illustrating what the baby will require from you in terms of care.

• Take your older child to your doctor visits so he/she can hear the baby’s heartbeat and meet the health care provider.

• Talk in terms of “we are going to have a baby.” It is okay if she/he refers to the baby as “my baby.”

• Have your child help with the baby’s room and buying clothes and toys. Discuss toy safety for the baby.

• Allow your older child to buy a gift special for the baby and remind them to give it to the baby the first time your older child meets the baby.

• Try to have a gift for your older child that is something she/he has been really wanting. Make this a gift for them from the baby. Sure it’s bribery but they don’t know that!

• If you are delivering your baby in the hospital then talk to your older child about the fact that you will be away and if she/he will be spending a night away somewhere then it may be helpful to have a practise run ahead of time.

• Allow your child to select the baby’s coming-home outfit.

• Check out library books and tapes on what it is like to have a new baby in the house. **See list at the bottom for story suggestions**

• Reassure your child that you have plenty of love for everyone, as well as the new baby.

• Emphasize that it is fun being the big brother/big sister. Your child will get to show off the baby to friends, show the baby how to eat, drink and play.

• Let your child use a doll or stuffed animal to practice changing diapers, putting on clothes, and holding. **REMEMBER: this is YOUR baby though and the interest in “helping” mommy out by doing little jobs for you (like getting a diaper or toy, etc.) will lose appeal VERY quickly. Don’t make your older child feel guilty for not wanting to do the little things you feel you lack the time or ability to easily do.**

• Have a special stack of books that you and your older child only read while you are nursing. Have special toys that only come out while breastfeeding. This helps make the time you spend sitting and feeding the baby special for all three of you.

• Tell your older child that you will always have special time for them and mean it. Make time to spend one-on-one with them every day.


My friend, Annie of PhD In Parenting has also written about the topic of preparing your AP family for a new family member and you can find her post and book recommendation here.

SIBLING PREPARATION BOOK IDEAS FOR YOUNG CHILDREN EXPECTING NEW SIBLINGS

Parentbooks is a WONDERFUL store on Harbord Street in Toronto (just east of Bathurst on the south side of Harbord). From here you can find MANY titles of books written specifically for the children and parents expecting a new baby. Some of the books I've read and loved are found on this list. Some I LOVE to highlight include:

Alexander, Martha. Nobody Asked Me If I Wanted a Baby Sister
Camp, Lindsay. The Biggest Bed in the World
Corey, Dorothy. Will There Be A Lap For Me?
Lohans, Alison. Waiting for the Sun
Overend, Jenni. Welcome With Love
Sears, William & Martha and Watts Kelly, Christie. Baby on the Way
Sears, William & Martha. What Baby Needs

For Parents:
Faber, Adele & Mazlish, Elaine. Siblings without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, Revised ‘98 I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book and recommend EVERY parent read it before having another baby!! It is BRILLIANT!

Posted by Sam